How to Handle Getting Benched

We don't want to talk about it. We're embarrassed, angry, self-conscious, and all of the sudden questioning everything about our game. What went wrong with my swing? Why does the coach think she's better than me? What did I do wrong? We got benched. Someone, at this current moment, is better than us. How will you respond?

I was recently listening to a podcast with Chicago Cubs outfielder Ian Happ. Happ had a fabulous rookie season in 2017. He hit the 2nd year slump in 2018, and it got so bad that in 2019 he was sent back down to the minor leagues. Talk about disappointing. He accomplished his dream, then it got taken away. He eventually worked his way back into the big leagues (relentlessly worked) and ended up becoming an All-Star and a Gold Glove winner last season. He's also playing really well to start the 2023 campaign. So what happened? What switched? Here's what he said about getting sent back down:

“Instead of wondering why or trying really hard to impress a coach or the people who make the decisions, I said, ‘you know what? I’m going to believe in myself, put in the work, and at some point, they’re not going to be able to keep me out of the lineup…I was caring more about what the guy who made the decisions thought and got away from my process and what made me a good player. When you worry about the things that might get you put on the bench, the end result of that is always, you do the things that get you put on the bench.”

What a response. What can you learn from Ian?

1. "I'm going to believe in myself" - when you get benched, it is so easy to lose your confidence. But, true confidence doesn't come from the external. It doesn't come from you being told how great you are. It comes from within. Happ had to tell himself to believe in himself when it seemed like no one else did. Confidence comes from the process of putting the work in and hyping yourself up. You do that and eventually make those coaches say "there is no way we can keep her out of the lineup."

2. Care more about what you are doing than what other people are thinking. Other people's opinions don't matter, your work ethic does. This goes back to controlling what you can control and letting the rest take care of itself. You control your mindset, your work, your actions. You cannot control how other people view you, so let it go and go to work. 

3. Mudita. It isn't mentioned in the quote but in the podcast, Happ goes into detail about how this adversity made him a better teammate. He realized what other players were going through and it made him more understanding of players dealing with slumps or lack of confidence. This empathy allowed him to develop more meaningful relationships with the guys he was playing with. That in turn led to him genuinely cheering his teammates on because he wasn't insecure, he was invested. That's Mudita - the selfless joy found in the success of other people. 

So you got benched. I can't wait to see you on the other side of it. 

More confident. More secure. A better teammate and friend. 

You got this. 

--Halo